Well, I am going to try again. This time, I will seriously consider it. For my first official post, I will copy from my last post on my previous blog on www.xanga.com/loneshark.
Here it is:
| the entry i dreaded for a while...I
wanted to put off this entry for a while because a lot has been on my
mind. I decided to blog now because I realize I need to get this whole
"thing" out of my mind before I can fully concentrate on studying for
finals and completing my projects/homeworks.
So here it goes...
Chastity:
I
didn't ask God yet, but I have consider asking for the gift of
chastity. I know once I pray about it, there is no turning back.
However, you may ask why I ask for this at the time my hormones screams
every time I see the Victoria's Secret ad. People said or I have heard,
that gift of chastity is not a personal choice, it is that of
consequences. Consequences of an old man or woman find themselves able
to live on their own and not needing a companionship because they were
not able to find someone when they were younger. I think it is true,
maybe their heart was in the right place or was it broken far beyond
repair...
My reason is simple, I don't want to get hurt nor I want
to hurt anyone else. I am not talking about breaking up or divorcing. I
just don't want to be in my ripe old age and find my spouse of decades
has gone to heaven leaving me here to mourn. Nor do I want the same for
my spouse. Selfish, yes. That is why I didn't ask. I don't want to put
up a fake image in my mind saying that I want the gift of chastity
because I want the ability work for Him 24/7 and have no one to worry
about.
Service:
I have been serving at OCM in different
ministries for a while. I realize God has blessed me with a lot of
responsibilities. I feel like I need to step away from it. I want to
take a sabbatical, if you will. I probably will do that after this
year. I planned it that way because I believe I will graduate from
college on December of this year. After that, I want to just break from
everything. I probably do it for a few months just to relax. Don't
worry, I haven't officially planned for anything yet. However, I am
currently looking for people to replace me in various ministries I do
serve.
Family:
I still can't believe my father is not here.
Seriously, I just hope he pops in one day and say surprise. But
honestly, it is childish for me to think of that. I realize I have
become the man of the house. I frequently get into more arguments with
my mom regarding my brother. I feel like I bear a lot of
responsibilities at home regarding chores to finances. It is one of my
other reasons why I considered the gift of chastity. Having a family is
a lot of work. Whether starting one or picking up the reins, there are
a lot of responsibilities. It is something I don't think I could handle
but I am dragged into it and I have to do it. As a the old saying "A
man gotta do what a man gotta do."
I have a lot more to say, but
I am at the point where I can't keep my head straight and I feel like I
am shaking so I will stop. I never felt like this before. I must be
tired. Ugh...time for bed. |
So there it is. After posting that, I did go straight to bed.
Looking back, I did admire someone who I believe had the gift of chastity. My pastor from my old church was not married. He had a lot of free time and often invited us to "hang" with him. From playing bowling with him to staying over his house in Long Island.We would go to his house and enjoy his famous meatloaf and spend quantity time in a game of Scrabble. Television was only used for Jeopardy and news. Even then, I would enjoy the company more than the event itself.
Looking back, the gift of chastity is not so farfetched. However, as of now, I don't think I have it.
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